This Friend of Mine......

I’ve been thinking of you lately, though I know that I should not have allowed myself to be consumed by your memory. I’ve been talking about you so much, that I have allowed myself to appreciate you more often. Nevertheless, I know that what I am doing is wrong, but what do you expect me to tell myself. I can’t believe that this is happening certainly because I am always in control of my emotions, but since you came, everything has changed. It scares me to know, that you have grown so much in me, that I could hardly take a step without thinking of you. If I am to fall right now, then I submit myself to a great risk of losing you. It is too much a risk to take. I have seen others stumble and fall. Even the great ones have fallen too. Do you think it’s easy?

The harder I try to take a step away, the deeper I fall. The more I pretend the more I become myself. I have known you for so long but I never knew that I’d be falling for you. People often say that life is a risk, every turn, and every decision come great consequences. I was already told, but should I listen? I don’t want to stop now, coz you are too good to be true. Should I allow myself to love you and lose you, or throw these emotions aside and be loyal and true like a friend always do?

So many questions yet the answers are with you. Why is it so hard to not notice you in a different way? Is it the way you look when the wind breezes through your hair? The way you smile when we meet down the aisle? The way you sound when you feel that your life is in strife? The way you giggle every time we mingle? I have said so many things but now I find myself in disbelief. I have set many rules but I find myself breaking it all. To where will my road lead, should I allow myself to bleed? How can I see the friend in you when all I’m feeling is more than what I knew? If I fall should I regret it at all?

Then if it is true, then I should break through, and let love close its eyes and be a friend to you. If love does not close its eyes then I choose to let it die in silence rather than find myself in complete nonsense. I choose you, so I came to a point to lose this love that would make me lose you, but before I do, let me say I love you and tell you that it’s true. I have to let go of it now, and be back to the life we have known somehow.